Irwin and my Companion Animal Purchase Card

Today I walked into PETCO to buy a feeder mouse for Irwin.

After waiting about ten minutes for somebody to become available, the cashier paged somebody to come help me get a mouse, and I’m like wtf there’s nobody on the floor wearing a blue shirt except that lady who has been talking to the biker dude about cat food for as long as I have been here. I’ve looked. Who exactly was she paging? So the manager materializes and presents me with this form, PK 250, “PETCO Companion Animal Purchase Card.”

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It reads: “By signing, I commit to being a responsible pet owner by providing a safe and appropriate environment for my companion animal. I have received a PETCO care sheet for my companion animal, and am aware of what is necessary to keep my pet happy and healthy.”

I tell him that I’m not signing it, this is ****ing ridiculous I’m going to feed this thing to a snake. He explains to me that it’s a release and talks about all the diseases I could get from mice and that PETCO is not liable if the mouse kills my snake (he said that), blah blah blah. I’m fine with that, a release, but I’m not going to sign a paper that says I’m going to provide a loving home for this ****ing white mouse that is destined for a 5 mile ride home in a saddlebag, 12 inches from straight pipe exhaust, and then being dropped from 4 feet into a cardboard box where a 30 inch long, hungry Ball Python is lounging.

He gives me the number to corporate. I call it in front of him. Wrong number.

3 minutes later: “Try this one.” Nope.

LOL. I mean seriously, if I even call this number are they going to listen to a damn thing I say anyways? Who do you call that is your boss? What’s his number?

This is all because of Petland closing. Petland was the little small pet store with the cute puppies in the window, smiley friendly staff that was awesome and helpful. $2.09 a mouse. I even had a mouse card where I got one free mouse every ten. But, I guess they went busto, and I had to go back to PETCO because there is literally nobody else on this side of the valley that sells feeder mice.

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Take that PETCO.

Peace and good luck,

Devo

10 Responses to “Irwin and my Companion Animal Purchase Card”

  1. Well played. “The Man” takes it in the ass…

  2. Haha this story is amazing. I frequent PETCO to buy crickets for my gecko, and they’ve been known to take anywhere between 15 and 45 minutes to retrieve them for me. But this release for a feeder mouse takes the absurdity to a whole new level.

  3. I’m sure you know this, but mice/rats will eat your snake if they’re left in there too long. If the snake isn’t eating (mouthrot or too cold, or just not hungry) the friggin hairballs will start chomping on the snake for food and the snake does nothing except try to get away – which he of course can’t…. he’s in the damn cage… This happened to my boa when I was away and had a friend feed him and he just threw the rat in and walked away. Luckily the snake survived, but it was pretty grisly…
    Did you just get that guy? A hot rock and a branch to curl up on might be good purchases… as well as a tub of water to drink/lay in… I made my old cage out of a huge old TV cabinet – could close the doors when the landlord came in and it looked like a piece of furniture :)
    Anyway… good luck with Irwin + pokering… (and AWESOME pic btw)

  4. Thank you for sticking it to the PETCO people. Those animal rights folk can be so self righteous, sometimes I just want to shake them.

    I’m just glad that they have never tried to pull that when I buy my feeder goldfish.

  5. Dear blaargh,

    Yeah I’m aware of that. I bought Irwin the week that Steve Irwin died and he’s not eaten a couple of mice. It’s like their ticket to freedom.

    Brilliant idea on the old TV cabinet. I have him in a ridic big like 80 gallon aquarium to insure speediest growth to six foot, at which point he will probably eat Xena the Chihuahua.

  6. Oh yeah, I also use a feeding box, rather than the cage. Conditioned him to realize that opening of the lid doesn’t mean food, although I’ve been so bad at handling him lately that he knows that it means trip across room to box where a mouse is about to fall from 4 feet in the sky.

  7. devo save yourself some anguish and sign the form next time guys just doing his job.

  8. Feeder box is a great idea – I realized that was what you were doing after I posted… so ignore the obvious junk in my reply.

    Worst snake story ever… (are you ready for this?)… 4ft corn snake in college. Damn roommate leaves the top off the cage – corn snakes are FAST and can climb anything. He gets out and disappears in the house we rented. After a few months I figure he’s long gone into the Rhode Island wilderness… I come back from class one day to see my neighbors freaking out. Turns out the snake popped up behind their toilet (yes as she was using it!) so the hero boyfriend sprays the poor snake with easy-off oven cleaner, then whacked his head off with a huge kitchen knife. WTF? Irrational frightened people are friggin idiots. They knew I had lost a snake in the house too.
    On a brighter note, my boa lived a good long time (about 15 years). I only sprayed him with easy off when he deserved it :)
    OK, I apologize for hijacking your blog!

  9. Hello,
    Sadly the PETCO here in SD doesn’t sell live feeders, but i must say that the problem is the tree huggers and the lawyers, the poor cashier or even the manager at your local store is no where close to the reason that the paper work needs signed. And i do like the idea of the old TV case that is awesome!!

    P.S. Fluffy is my ball and Spot is my Corn

  10. U people are fucking ridiculous assholes! Guess what? Satan doesn’t deserve to eat at all! And u dumb-ass snake lovers are feeding, loving, & some, worshiping the devil! These lowest SCUM OF THE EARTH, pea-brained murdering machines, get out of their stupid ass owners hillbilly-redneck enclosures, & go & strangle & try 2 eat a baby in their crib! Cuz, the poor baby’s dumb fucking parents are stupid fucking brainless idiots that doesn’t know how to put their children’s life before a mind-less, piece-o-shit snake that, every time I see 1 in my back yard, gets their head cut the fuck off like his slithering evil ass deserves!! MOST OF THE TIME, IT IS SOMEONE ELSE’S INNOCENT FAMILY THAT GETS YOUR OVER-GROWN, PEA-BRAINED KILLING MACHINE, IN THEIR HOUSE INSTEAD!! KILLING THEIR BABIES YOU FUCKING RETARD! I HOPE YOUR SLITHERING DEMON SNAKE GETS EATEN BY A RAT!! HAHA! THATS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE HEARD ALL YEAR!! WAY 2 GO RAT!! LMAO!! ALL SNAKES SHOULD BE TAKEN FORCEFULLY TAKEN FROM THEIR IDIOTIC OWNERS & CHOPPED UP INTO SNAKE STEW RIGHT IN-FRONT THEM! THE ONLY GOOD SNAKE IS YES, A DEAD 1!! I HOPE ALL OF YOUR SNAKES DIE OVERNIGHT YOU DUMB FUCKS! AND I HOPE YOU ALL BURN IN HELL YOU DUMB FUCKERS!! OR BETTER YET, I HOPE YOUR DUMB ASSES WAKE UP TO YOUR LOVING LIL MONSTER PETS WRAPPED AROUND YOUR NECK UNTIL, WELL, YA KNOW!! OH & THE COMMENT & THREAT YOU MADE ABOUT FEEDING YOUR DOG XENA OR WTFE TO YOUR SNAKE, IS WELL, ILLEGAL & IS ANIMAL CRUELTY & I PLAN TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU GET YOUR JUST REWARDS FOR THREATENING THAT! SEE, U MIGHT OF JUST LET THE WRONG PERSON COME ACROSS YOUR BLOG & THREATS BUDDY!! BECAUSE YOUR STUPID ASS HAS ALREADY BEEN IDENTIFIED & WELL, WILL BE LAWFULLY PUNISHED BY YOUR LOCAL POLICE! THIS IS JUST THE DUMB IGNORANT ATTITUDES THAT MAKE PEOPLE HATE SNAKES & THEIR OWNERS! N LIKE I SAID, I HOPE YOUR SNAKE GETS YOUR ASS IN THE END! AND THE DAY AFTER, DIES FROM SOME HORRIBLE DISEASE OR ILLNESS OR A KNIFE AT LEAST CHOPPING HIS SLITHERING HEAD OFF!! LOL!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOUR SNAKE DESERVES 2 DIE SLOWLY & PAINFULLY LIKE THE ONES I KILL EVERYDAY OUTSIDE MY HOME… OH & 1 BOA & ANOTHER PYTHON THAT ESCAPED FROM NEIGHBORS HOMES AS WELL, & THAT FATEFULLY ENDED UP ON MY PROPERTY, TOO BAD…. & ENDED UP ON THE SHARP END OF MY SHOVEL & I CARRIED BACK TO THEIR HOUSE & LAID THEIR 1 YELLOW & 1 BROWN SLITHERING FRIEND ON THEIR FRONT PORCH, LMAO! HAVE A NICE DAY! SO WHATEVER, DELETE MY COMMENTS! PUSSIES!!

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